With this blog post coming out on Valentine’s Day, I thought, “What better topic to write about than singleness?!” 😂
I’ve heard a lot on the topic of singleness in the past couple weeks whether it be from a sermon at a young adults service or videos popping up on my YouTube or Instagram feed, so it’s been at the front of my mind. I’ve taken a lot of notes on the topic and dived deeper into what the bible says about it.
As someone who’s been single essentially my whole life thus far, I am very familiar with the feelings of loneliness and worry that can creep in. But I’ve also experienced the fruit that comes from being solely dependent on the Lord and trusting in Him.
With that being said, I want to share some of the notes I’ve taken on this topic, thoughts I have, and of course- personal experiences- in hopes that it encourages you and reminds you you are not alone! 🙂
GO to God first.
With relationships and with almost anything in life, it’s easy to run to other people before we run to God.
There's a guy on the horizon? Gotta run and tell my friends about it. I'm in a weird situationship? Let me ask my sister for advice. Someone's expressing interest in me? I'll run to them for my validation. While there is certainly nothing wrong with seeking out community, we need to understand that there is nothing like the wisdom of God. God wants us to enjoy Christian fellowship and be with others, we just need to turn to Him first.
But seek FIRST the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33
In ALL your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:6
I am 100% guilty of going to my friends about a guy before I bring it to God. Again, there’s nothing wrong with seeking wise counsel (see Proverbs 19:20) and enjoying community God has blessed you with (see Galatians 6:2, Provers 27:17), but when we seek these people before God or put God on the back-burner, we’re not only depriving ourselves of the greatest source of wisdom, discernment, clarity, and direction there is, we’re not putting God in His rightful place.
So! I would challenge you- the next time a thought about singleness or a potential guy/girl pops up, bring it to God!
Have a crush on someone? Pray about it! Need direction in what to say to that person you truly just see as a friend? Pray about it! Worrying, "Is God calling me to a life of singleness?" Pray about it. Feeling jealous of other's relationships? Pray about it. ❤️
Let God satisfy every desire
I would say this has been the biggest breakthrough I’ve experienced as I’ve navigated singleness. The first step to being content in your singleness is realizing that you already have everything you need.
We have a GOOD Father who has already given us everything we need. And the things we want? We can bring to Him like I talked about above.
Psalm 23 is one of my favorite chapters of the Bible. It starts with, “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.” Other translations read, “The Lord is my shepherd. I have all that I need.” Let that truth sink in.
PRACTICAL TIP: I started doing this thing where anytime I have a thought of “a boyfriend would be nice for x,y,z reasons…” , I ask myself:
- What am I truly desiring when I think that?
- How does God fulfill that desire?
For example, if I find myself wishing I had a boyfriend so I feel loved, I’m reminded that no one could ever love me the way God does. There is nothing like the love of God sending His son to earth to die for me. Nothing can top that! I have all the love I could ever need, I just need to remember and be in reverential awe of God again!
If I find myself thinking “it would be real nice to have a guy tell me I’m pretty…” or something like that, I think- what I’m truly desiring here is to feel seen and beautiful. I remind myself that God sees me. He knows me better than I know myself. And He calls me beautiful. The fact that the God of the universe calls me beautiful is wild. No compliment from a guy could ever top that.
You get the idea- recognize the thoughts you’re having around desiring a relationship and ask God what He has to say about it.
...and we take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
Viewing Singleness as a Gift
Paul tells us in 1st Corinthians that singleness is an opportunity to serve the Lord wholeheartedly, free of other concerns.
I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. 1 Corinthians 7:32-33
If you’re like me, you’re probably thinking, “can’t I just serve the Lord with my husband?”😂
Of course you can serve the Lord with your spouse and there is something beautiful (and biblical!) about serving the Lord as a team. But most married people I’ve talked to express that prioritizing your relationship with the Lord can be more challenging once you’re married and/or have kids because there is more competing for your time. When you’re single, YOU get to decide how you spend 100% of your free time!
That’s why we have to put the first thing first.
Singleness is a time to get really good at serving the Lord and learning what it means to love people well!
I love the way one of my young adult pastors put it: Singleness is hard. And marriage is hard. Because life is hard. Neither should become our identity or give us a certain status in the body of Christ. Both are gifts and things that should be leveraged to build God’s kingdom.
Here are some ways in which I have seen singleness as a gift in my life:
FRIENDSHIPS I’m noticing how much time I have in my schedule to build relationships with my friends and be intentional in spending time with them. The time I could be spending going on dates or spending time with a guy is spent building community, pouring into others, and getting poured into by others.
FOCUS I am not thinking about the next few steps in a relationship (When will we get engaged? When will we get married? How does that affect this and that...) I feel a strong call on my life for the vocation I’m pursuing and I'm so grateful for the purpose, direction, and clarity God has given me in that. Why would I waste this time away wondering when I’ll get married? The Lord brought me this far, so I will trust Him with the rest!
It’s easier said than done, and it takes time. The more time you spend with the Lord, the more you will grow in contentment in whatever it is He has for you.
“The more time you spend with the Lord, the more you will grow in contentment in whatever it is He has for you.”
Use this time to focus on what God has for you right now. If you’re a college student, do your best academically, take advantage of opportunities like studying abroad, internships, certifications, etc. If you’re working, take time to network, join an organization for people in your field, make an effort to complete an additional certification! The time for all these “extras” will be much harder to come by later on, so be a good steward of the time you have now!
FLEXIBILITY AND FREEDOM IN MY SCHEDULE The deeper you get into a relationship, the more that person becomes a priority in your life- as it should be. At some point in my life, I will have set aside time that is dedicated to another person. Right now, I have a lot of flexibility with how I spend my time and who I choose to spend it with! I’m choosing to invest in the things I want to invest in- my relationship with God, friendships, my future career, etc.
Let’s get practical.
Here are some steps you can take today to get your mind off of the fact that you’re single and on living for God:
1. Delete Social Media. An easy way to stop comparing your life to others is to stop looking at everybody else's life all the time! Take a break from Instagram, TikTok, wherever you're consuming a lot of relationship content, and watch how much less you'll think about being single. 👀
2. Limit the amount of romance movies/media you consume. Don't get me wrong, I love a good rom-com, but constantly filling your mind with unrealistic expectations of love is not great for ya in the long-run. 🤪
3. Make plans to hang out with a friend. Right now. Text someone and plan something. Invest in your community. 4. Volunteer! Get your mind off yourself and on others! 5. Start a Project- Put Dreams into Action! I've seen people use their singleness to start non-profits, write and publish a book (shout out Grace Valentine!), go on mission trips, plant churches, the list goes on. I'm not saying you need to go do some extravagant thing, but if there's a dream or a passion on your heart to start something, take advantage of the time you have RIGHT NOW to get workin'! For me, this blog is a dream I had for a long time, and I'm so glad I finally decided to put it in action. For you, this could be a bible study you've been thinking about starting, a ministry you've been wanting to serve in, a worship night you've thought about hosting. Whatever that dream in the back of your mind is, grab some friends and GET STARTED!
So there you have it! I pray as you navigate singleness, you grow in your dependence on the Lord and remember that only He can satisfy every desire we have.
Did you find this post encouraging? Share it with a friend or on social media!